Happy Birthday, 2011

...things like this...

...scare me so:

Desperation Grows as Jobless Benefits End

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/03/us/03unemployed.html?hp

The heartless, smug, cruel reader comments on the article are heartbreaking.

I can see myself in her. She's done everything "right". Worked, furthered her education (I haven't been able to accomplish this, though) and now she's living in her car. She has no one.

I literally shake with fear when I read this. I hope somehow she knows that at least one person is thinking of her tonight and is sending love and best wishes and some of the remaining hope I have to her.

...God bless you, John Gorrie...

My amazing boyfriend - generally known as Marathon Man - gave me a lovely gift yesterday. It's even better than a diamond ri...OK...wait. Let's not get carried away here.

He gave me a window unit AC for my home! I'm renting a lovely little house and the AC left in the garage apparently was left there because it doesn't work. The fabulous MM gave me his old (not really "old" - maybe 2 years old) downstairs unit because he's going to purchase a newer one.

He even installed it for me. On probably the hottest day of the month.

He's my sweetheart


Compatible Nick Lowe song - "Refrigerator White"

...summer sheets...

I spent the last 2 hours changing my bed linens - comforter, shams, etc. - from the winter brocade (plums, mauves, cream & pale green if you're curious) to white eyelet lace.

I love the change. I love how fresh the bed looks - it makes the entire room look summery and light and pretty.

I love ironing, actually. It requires concentration, and when you're concentrating like that, you can't think about extraneous things - especially things that are painful.

The change (at least as far as bed linens are concerned) is good.


Nick Lowe tune o' the day - "People Change"

...on the pathetic-o-meter...

...I'm off the charts.

Someone spoke to me the office elevator today as I was leaving work - and I cried when I got to my car because she's about the first person there who has spoken to me (other than my boss and the small team I'm on - and they are *very* nice). The woman had a hydrangea plant in a pot and she said she was taking it home to see if it would flourish. I told her how my dad used to add lime or whatever to the hydrangea soil to make the flowers turn pink.

Do I suck or what? I used to be so outgoing and friendly; since I got laid off last year and all, I guess I've retreated more than I realized.


Overdue Nick Lowe song - "The Man That I've Become"

...Roberto Duran/No Mas update...

My wonderful boyfriend bought me a new patio umbrella. A "correct" one, as he likes to say - with a cranking mechanism. It came with strict instructions to take. it. down. when. it's. windy, dammit!

I love it (and him) so much I won't even put it up unless I'm out there.

...the Collyer Brothers had nothin' on me...

I am trying desperately to move forward.

I took a day (finally - my 6 month probationary period ended and I can take time off) today and organized my garage.

My life has taken horrific twists and turns over the past 6 years, the upshot of which is that I was left with 15 years worth of "stuff" to deal with. The emotional/mental is difficult enough, but I'm still cleaning up the physical.

My ex saved...*everything*. No - really. Business financial records from 1972. At *least* 100 extension cords. Not the little ones you use to run under furniture so the lamp on the end table works. I mean the honking great big heavy orange ones you buy at Tractor Supply. I probably have $1000 worth of extension cords - maybe more.

When we moved from our first home to the one where we were living when the relationship ended, I *begged* him to get rid of some (a lot!) of the stuff. Have a garage sale - craigslist - whatever...just get rid of it. But no - couldn't do that. Had to rent a storage unit. $150 a month for a double garage, which was actually a good deal - when we had an income of the low 6 figures.

Now he's gone, and I'm stuck with the things. I have managed to get rid of a great deal of pure crap as it is, and emptying this storage unit will finally be the end of it all. I hope. Everything I touch has a memory or an image associated with it, and it's more mentally tiring than anything.

I don't *ever* want to have "stuff" again. Ever. As much as it defies belief, I can't even work up any enthusiasm for buying clothes or shoes. To those of you who know me - this is stunning.

I count my blessings - I have a wonderful group of people who have been helping me with all of this mess. My boyfriend's brother-in-law has given so much of his time and energy to move things and dispose of trash - he is just about my hero these days. My boyfriend listens to me try to make sense of all of the emotions and for this I am very grateful.

Anyone wanna buy an extension cord? No? Howsabout some bungee cords - I got about a million of 'em!