...things like this...

...scare me so:

Desperation Grows as Jobless Benefits End

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/03/us/03unemployed.html?hp

The heartless, smug, cruel reader comments on the article are heartbreaking.

I can see myself in her. She's done everything "right". Worked, furthered her education (I haven't been able to accomplish this, though) and now she's living in her car. She has no one.

I literally shake with fear when I read this. I hope somehow she knows that at least one person is thinking of her tonight and is sending love and best wishes and some of the remaining hope I have to her.

...God bless you, John Gorrie...

My amazing boyfriend - generally known as Marathon Man - gave me a lovely gift yesterday. It's even better than a diamond ri...OK...wait. Let's not get carried away here.

He gave me a window unit AC for my home! I'm renting a lovely little house and the AC left in the garage apparently was left there because it doesn't work. The fabulous MM gave me his old (not really "old" - maybe 2 years old) downstairs unit because he's going to purchase a newer one.

He even installed it for me. On probably the hottest day of the month.

He's my sweetheart


Compatible Nick Lowe song - "Refrigerator White"

...summer sheets...

I spent the last 2 hours changing my bed linens - comforter, shams, etc. - from the winter brocade (plums, mauves, cream & pale green if you're curious) to white eyelet lace.

I love the change. I love how fresh the bed looks - it makes the entire room look summery and light and pretty.

I love ironing, actually. It requires concentration, and when you're concentrating like that, you can't think about extraneous things - especially things that are painful.

The change (at least as far as bed linens are concerned) is good.


Nick Lowe tune o' the day - "People Change"

...on the pathetic-o-meter...

...I'm off the charts.

Someone spoke to me the office elevator today as I was leaving work - and I cried when I got to my car because she's about the first person there who has spoken to me (other than my boss and the small team I'm on - and they are *very* nice). The woman had a hydrangea plant in a pot and she said she was taking it home to see if it would flourish. I told her how my dad used to add lime or whatever to the hydrangea soil to make the flowers turn pink.

Do I suck or what? I used to be so outgoing and friendly; since I got laid off last year and all, I guess I've retreated more than I realized.


Overdue Nick Lowe song - "The Man That I've Become"

...Roberto Duran/No Mas update...

My wonderful boyfriend bought me a new patio umbrella. A "correct" one, as he likes to say - with a cranking mechanism. It came with strict instructions to take. it. down. when. it's. windy, dammit!

I love it (and him) so much I won't even put it up unless I'm out there.

...the Collyer Brothers had nothin' on me...

I am trying desperately to move forward.

I took a day (finally - my 6 month probationary period ended and I can take time off) today and organized my garage.

My life has taken horrific twists and turns over the past 6 years, the upshot of which is that I was left with 15 years worth of "stuff" to deal with. The emotional/mental is difficult enough, but I'm still cleaning up the physical.

My ex saved...*everything*. No - really. Business financial records from 1972. At *least* 100 extension cords. Not the little ones you use to run under furniture so the lamp on the end table works. I mean the honking great big heavy orange ones you buy at Tractor Supply. I probably have $1000 worth of extension cords - maybe more.

When we moved from our first home to the one where we were living when the relationship ended, I *begged* him to get rid of some (a lot!) of the stuff. Have a garage sale - craigslist - whatever...just get rid of it. But no - couldn't do that. Had to rent a storage unit. $150 a month for a double garage, which was actually a good deal - when we had an income of the low 6 figures.

Now he's gone, and I'm stuck with the things. I have managed to get rid of a great deal of pure crap as it is, and emptying this storage unit will finally be the end of it all. I hope. Everything I touch has a memory or an image associated with it, and it's more mentally tiring than anything.

I don't *ever* want to have "stuff" again. Ever. As much as it defies belief, I can't even work up any enthusiasm for buying clothes or shoes. To those of you who know me - this is stunning.

I count my blessings - I have a wonderful group of people who have been helping me with all of this mess. My boyfriend's brother-in-law has given so much of his time and energy to move things and dispose of trash - he is just about my hero these days. My boyfriend listens to me try to make sense of all of the emotions and for this I am very grateful.

Anyone wanna buy an extension cord? No? Howsabout some bungee cords - I got about a million of 'em!

...now I know how Roberto Duran felt...

No mas...please - no mas.

In the span of 2 weeks:

1. $800 in repairs to my SUV
2. $400 in repairs to my commuter car
3. close to having to pay $125 for a new key for the commuter car (thankfully - the key was found in the garbage, thanks to my wonderful boyfriend)
4. the new patio umbrella I bought for $50 that I scratched together apparently blew over today and the pole snapped in half jaggedly - so it can't be repaired
5. I have to take time from work tomorrow AM because the grand Commonwealth of PA can't fathom that I honestly *am* the Excutrix/Beneficiary of my late father's will as well as the Trustee of his Trust, which makes me the owner of the old-man Buick I managed to sell for $500. I have provided certified copies of documents attesting to this fact, but no - I have to come in PERSON to the notary to sign some dopey certification that no doubt will be redundant. Of course, said notary is not open late in the evening, nor open on Saturdays, so I will have to come in at 8AM. This is not necessarily a problem, but I have a 90 minute ONE WAY commute to my job in NJ.

Add to this:

A. stress over wrapping up the 6-month probationary period at my new job
B. generalized fear I have about every aspect of my life - whether legitimate or not
C. some wonky health issues

and you have one very panicky Untouched Takeaway

I realize none of this equates to a death or a serious illness, but when you tack it on to what I've been through in the past 6 years, it become a tad over-the-top.

I'm a mess. Even Nick Lowe understands this:

...love is a battlefield...

This picture was published today with an article about budget cuts in NJ - specifically the DoC. I looked at it and then I looked at it again. And then I came back to it and looked again. I realize I'm more emotional than the average bear these days, but I see hearts.

Do you?

Cue Nick Lowe - "I Live on a Battlefield"

...picket fences and broken dreams,,,

I once loved a man who gave me (literally) a home with a white picket fence and an arbor pretty much like this one. The relationship ended cruelly and horribly, and I lost a lot of "things". The tangible "things" that I lost - for the most part - weren't that big of a deal. You can always buy more "things", and to be honest, I want *less* "things" in my life now.

The relationship ended while we were living at a 2nd home; this past weekend, I was at that residence moving the last of some garden/yard things I wanted to keep when I remembered that the arbor came with us when we moved here.

It was laying on the ground by a shed. It was cracked (it was made of real wood) and the weather of the past 2 years had turned the white paint (how carefully I painted that thing to keep it looking beautiful)gray and mottled. The gate was broken off at a hinge, and it looked so sad and forlorn. I stood and stared at it for a long time, and I thought of the dreams and wishes it had stood guard over, and how many times that gate swung open to let pass dogs and family and flowers and mundane things like groceries and mail. I cried over that arbor - and before I left it there, I carefully closed the gate one last time - being careful not to break the tenuous hold of the rusting hinges.

They say when God closes one door, another opens. Maybe my closing that gate will allow me to walk through when that other door opens.

...the dreaded introductory post...

Hmm.

I'm afraid if I write "I started this blog because my therapist thinks it would be a good idea", no one would read any further.

Actually, I don't have a therapist. Some unseen power compelled me to open this blog and it's been sitting here for about 10 days - untouched (ooh...untouched..."Untouched Takeaway"...get it? I kill me)

Anyway - I'm 48 and starting over here in the Lehigh Valley/Slate Belt area. I was laid off from my career of 10 years in January of 2009, which happened to immediately follow the termination of my 15-year relationship. After 11 hellish months of unemployment, I'm once again workin' for the man, and happy to be doing so.

The title of my blog comes from a song by my future husband, Nick Lowe (I'm kidding about the future husband thing...kinda). The lyrics kind of sum up my life for the past year. I'll be forcing the brilliance that is Nick Lowe upon you, hopefully constant reader, at pretty much every opportunity - along with some possibly pithy and hopefully not *too* histrionic text.

Now - what better way to inaugurate this blog than the song from which the blog takes it name - "Lately I've Let Things Slide" by Nick Lowe?




I'm sure there's a fancy-schmancy way to post a link to the clip, and as soon as I figure it out I'll smarten it up.